Kiokatt.com

Poem from 2005

Kiokatt — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 20:59:50 +0000

Dec, 2005 Poem:
This girl I know, she pretends to be a beast.
Prey on the innocent; she hopes to feast (what a silly rhyme)
But her wait won’t let her sway that awful way,
So her claws retract and wings slowly appear.
She’s the angel that everyone talked about.
They said she’d come down when he needed her.
But her spirit is fighting to be freed.
This life is difficult when you feel alone.
Don’t take for granted the luck that you have with love.

I see her dig into your skin, you cry in pain and she smiles so easily.
You cry out loud, your voice bouncing off the walls as she breaks the skin once more.
You’re panting and heaving, unable to move as the light fills up the room.
Then tears come rolling down her cheeks and she’s the saint that you sought after.
All these years of waiting for her to come to your aide.
Who would of thought that it was she who would cause that pain?
Who would of been able to better help you, than she?

She told me later, after I left –not wanting to watch.
That she bandaged your wounds and kissed your forehead.
You started pouring out your hearts contents.
Into her hands she made sure that nothing spilled.
Until the last breathe, it was then you felt relieved.
And watched her swallow everything with ease.

Your instinct is to stay but finally she makes you leave.
You’re better off than before and wonder what happened in your heart.
It’s changed to something better, nothing you thought it could have been before.
You look back and see only that silky fuchsia ribbon on the ground.

She’s off again, letting the tears fill up her heart.
Will this never stop; must I always watch this part?
She cries again as the wings finally disappear,
Left on this Earth and in the cycle of discontent.
Her soul is bound to only one.
And in the end, she’ll see…

A Steampunk Circus Story

Kiokatt — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 18:17:45 +0000

A new photo series I started working on, with a bunch of talented people to help, is a steampunk circus story. Its a narrative about this steampunk themed circus that is turned upside down by a manhunt for their fugitive. Tricks and twists ensue as the police duo try to claim their rightful prisoner. Here is an image of one of the characters:

The Twisted Clown

More to come as this story (har har) develops.

Further than the stars

Kiokatt — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 18:04:17 +0000

One time, he reached down from the stars
and placed a piece of stardust in my hair.
It sparkled and shined throughout the night
I jumped and twirled in astonishment at the sparkling life.
But when morning came,
His gift is gone.

Now, each night I wonder if another gift awaits me.
And as each morning progresses into the day,
I compulsively check my hair for any remnants.

My stomach curls and twists in anxiety.
Will it be today?
Maybe I have to wait for the night?

I want that stardust, but its beyond my grasp now.
Was it some fantasy I worked up?
A dream felt too real?

My emotions are real. I feel them everyday.
And I’m left alone with them, each night.
without that bit of stardust to keep my head afloat the dark skies,
My eyes get lost looking amongst the stars and galaxies beyond my life.

A voice swells inside me, “You are the light, you are the star.”

Preparing for a Fairy Photo Shoot

Kiokatt — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 15:09:53 +0000

I didn’t realize how much work goes into preparation for fairy photo shoot. Moreso, how much stuff you can keep adding to one’s costume and set list before you decide, enough is enough! This past Sunday, the models and the makeup artists came over my place and tested designs and costumes. It was pretty successful! Here are some photos from that test run that I snapped in my house.

In addition to the girls providing their own costumes (or parts of it), other people helped with making wings, arm cuffs, styling wigs and other lighting accessories. Tonight, I hope to make my own Diffuser for the sunlight (that I can use in other outdoor shoots too).

We’ll be having the full fairy photo shoot this Saturday in the scorching heat (makeup and costumes will be put on in the nice A/C though) so here is to hoping for a successful shoot!

Always looking forward

Kiokatt — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 14:02:38 +0000

I like to think that I am always looking forward and backwards to decide on the present. Like crossing a street, you look to the left then look to the right, asses the situation and then either cross the street or wait.

Guess, I am waiting now.

Waiting for a job that I enjoy and won’t watch the clock tick away my time wasted. Waiting for a “life of excitement” that challenges my core.

Create create create, joy joy joy. These are the words that echo through my head. Create in life what lies in your mind, enjoy the present. Looking forward, I am to finish college in 2013, if I’m lucky. Looking Backwards, I’ve been in college since 2004. Almost ten years (part time mind you) and a better understanding of where I want to be still leave me looking forward. I don’t want to leave this world without leaving my mark. Yet again, I am looking forward. How can I enjoy the present if all I do is wait for the future happiness to arrive? It seems a paradox is in my mind. A magical world of possibilities inside me that I resist and deny. Do I “wait out” the two more years? Move forward ahead of schedule? Sometimes, choices to make me happy will make others unhappy. In that knowledge, I neglect myself and do what society deems is appropriate.

Thanks society, but I’d rather live in happiness against you then in delusional contentment with you.

Sitting is killing you

Kiokatt — Fri, 13 May 2011 20:40:30 +0000

Via: Medical Billing And Coding

I’ve been trying to get my boss to realize sitting all day is bad for us.

Spring Cleaning

Kiokatt — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 13:34:56 +0000

Goodbye sweet animal

I love you pink Elephant shoes, but you do not fit my feet and I’ve held onto you for over two years. Why? What am I holding onto? Let go….Let go….This goes beyond my collection of shoes that do not fit my feet. In my heart there is an Everything Must Go! vibe. It makes way for new parts of my life to begin….and new shoes!

Forgiveness for yourself

Kiokatt — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 17:08:50 +0000

I’m not perfect. Who wants to be perfect? There are all sorts of pressure and stress applied to you when you strive for perfection. When we fail, we learn. We keep learning. Day in, day out, I’ve learned something new, something forgotten, something….abstract.

Something I have had trouble with most of my life, and I’m sure many other feel the same, is forgiving myself. Catholics have a way of absolving their sin, right? They go to confession and the Father forgives them. It’s so easy for someone else to say we are forgiven, why not then, tell ourselves this same message? I forgive you; I forgive myself. Don’t forget about this important act. Forgiveness can dissolve your negative thoughts, bring about a brighter outlook in life, and most important, bring peace of mind to the sinner.

When there is a deed or phrase spoken that I feel guilty about, it takes some time for me to realize how much I’m beating myself up on the inside. I’m calling myself names: pathetic, liar, loser, whore, trash, idiot, scum. I’m associating one act with a character trait that I usually don’t posses in my daily life. My thoughts start to focus around these negative thoughts, and regardless of others input, I keep my nose buried to the ground and refuse to let go of these condescending ideas about myself. It takes some quiet time and stillness within my mind to really evaluate my actions and personality. Forgiveness is the first step to understanding why I make certain decisions or to help me move on from a traumatic event in my life.

I hope others find forgiveness in themselves as well. Whatever your method may be, I feel it is very important to forgive yourself to create a mind and soul at peace and balance with the world.

Side Note: I’d really like to travel to India some day soon and speak to a Yogi over there about traditional yoga.

So Much To Give

Kiokatt — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 18:01:06 +0000

After hearing about the earthquake / Tsunami in Japan (and tidal waves headed for California), I’ve been reading all sorts of stories about people in need. I thought I was in need when my knee accident happened. That was nothing compared to what others have lost. I don’t want a natural disaster to remind me that there are always others worse off than me. I’m thankful for all the love, friends, family and gifts I have. My goal? To find a way to help out my community. One person, event, helping hand–at a time.

Peace to all.

To Do List

Kiokatt — Mon, 20 Dec 2010 18:07:18 +0000

My to-do list is ever growing. I’m always making these lists in my head, on paper, at work, on the computer, etc. And the problem I face, is combining all these multiple lists into one master list. How to do (hehe) this? Organizing my thoughts has always been a hard process for me. Everything comes rushing to the forefront at once. I have trouble distinguishing between the important ideas and just silly ideas. Usually this moment of information overload leads me thinking down fantasy lane with multimedia project ideas and visions.

So, if anyone has any suggestions or would like to share hey they manage their “To-Do” list(s), please share.